Behind the Mask: Volume 1

by A-Merk

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The title of this EP says it all. We all try to create personas for ourselves in the outside world... Our work selves, our friend selves, maybe even separate selves for different groups of friends, and the list goes on. In some ways, we're different people depending on which individual we are interacting with at any given time, really. However, very rarely do we ever truly let ourselves be just that: ourselves. The original definition of persona has to do with masks. Wearing a mask. We all wear many masks during our days, but do we ever take them off and be truly real with people? In my life, my favourite people are the ones I feel comfortable enough around to not wear any mask... or at least, to wear nothing more than a bit of make up (to stretch the metaphor). These songs were written without pretense, without pretending, or caring about who will hear them and how that might affect how they view me. Hopefully that won't blow up in my face, but making real art requires such honesty. Once you bring the audience into the equation during creation, you've lost the magic. Part of me wants to never release these, but that's nothing more than fear holding me back. I think they're well written, both from the perspective of content and form, and they're true expressions of who I was in specific moments, of parts of who I am, of issues that we as humans face. I want that out there, even if only to help one person feel understood, and not alone.

The first song is about idolizing artists that have committed suicide, and how hard it can be to go on, knowing someone you look up to and relate to on an intimate level couldn't hold on. It's about wanting to escape the confines of society, about wanting to be better than what's come before you, struggling with how you aren't yet and may never be. It's about hopelessness, and the struggle to feel anything but that. I wonder, how many very confident seeming people are actually confident, and how many of them have just constructed a suit of metal to hide their pain, dysfunction and social ineptitude?

The second song is about caring for someone who can't seem to care for themselves. It's about wanting to see someone better their own lives, but being powerless to fix them. It's about losing the chance to experience everything that's great about someone while you watch them continue to waste away in an abusive relationship. It's about the problems that invariably arise between certain kinds of men and certain kinds of women. It describes both a specific situation and a general problem, and it can be (correctly) interpreted in at least two different ways.

The third song is about true love, and how painful that is. It's about relational dysfunction, miscommunication, pain. It's about feeling like an alien in a society of seemingly well adjusted people, it's about feeling emotionless, cold and robotic in comparison to the warm glow of pure love radiating from a special woman. It's about being alone, needing to be alone, putting someone else first by hurting them, because only through hurting them can you protect them from the pain you regularly cause. It's about not knowing what you want, having what you want and yet still feeling empty, being blessed beyond your worth and still not having that be enough for you. Its about a wonderful woman and everything she did for me. "Ex lover and a best friend, best lover and an ex friend will bend..."

I'm releasing these as an EP because they're very dark and sad, and I want my next album to at least be balanced, if not more positive and fun than anything else. But, I did really want these to see the light of day. Instead of waiting, worrying, hoping for creativity to appear in other forms, never working, always waiting... I'm just exorcising myself of this material in the hopes that it will be appreciated, enjoyed and maybe even help someone. Trust me, "fun" music is coming real soon... for now, bleed with me. You know you want to.


released October 29, 2014

Everything on this album was created by your's truly, aside from the raw audio of any samples used, and the attached quotation I loved from a book written by Bruce Jackson.




A-Merk Toronto, Ontario

Close your eyes...

Now, open your mind.

My music exists somewhere between the highest echelon of existence our species craves to reach and the astral planes one can only explore through ego death. I make music for meditation, music for relaxation, music to accompany beauty and magic...

Alter your perception however you see fit. Begin your favourite activity. Dream with me.
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